Tag Archives: dad

Meet the Family

July 1, 2014 by
Photography by Bill Sitzmann

Questions. Jason Miller gets lots of questions. And more than a few funny looks. The grocery store. The zoo. The park. Just about everywhere he takes his 5-year-old-son, Jack.

“The bar is set low for dads,” says Miller, a stay-at-home father. “It’s set so incredibly low that I am made to feel like a hero for doing what we do—doing the stay-at-home dad thing. But I don’t see it that way. I see it as just…being a dad.”

“Jason doesn’t fit into a box,” says University of Nebraska – Omaha sociologist Julie Pelton. That’s one way to describe what sociologists do. They put people into “boxes” and study them in terms of how many of what types of boxes constitute the breadth and depth of human behavior. “Jason doesn’t fit in the box that most men occupy,” she continues, so he gets questions.

An annotation to the preceding paragraph is in order. Let’s be clear to point out that the full name of the sociologist/anthropologist cited above is Julie Pelton-Miller. That’s right. As in Jason’s wife.

“It’s nice to not have to worry about some of the things that other working moms have to deal with,” Julie says. “Day care. What if my child gets sick? Calls from school. My colleagues have to work around all that stress, but I don’t have to. I know that Jack is always here with Jason.”

The decision to have Jason raise Jack came when the Illinois natives moved to Omaha for Julie’s job with the university. He had worked in radio as both a DJ and station manager in his home state and in Pennsylvania. When the couple did a mental balance sheet contrasting the cost of day care and other drawbacks of Jason going to work against the freedom allowed by a new way of life, they decided to take the stay-at-home dad plunge.

Jason, who has also worked as a stand-up comedian, blogs about his experiences on his website, OmahaDad.com. The act of writing, he says, is more than just a creative and cathartic endeavor.

“A lot of it is for Jack,” Jason explains. “He’ll have the blog stories to look back on some day. It’s the story of his life.”

Being a stay-at-home dad means that Jason can turn Jack’s days into an almost non-stop exploration of the world around them. Regular outings include Fontenelle Forest, the Omaha Children’s Museum, the Durham Museum, and Omaha’s Henry Doorly Zoo & Aquarium.

Jack’s favorite destination is the zoo’s Lied Jungle because, he says, “They have bats.” Asked why he is so mesmerized when the creepy critters dart all around him in the dankest corners of the steamy jungle, the tot with enormous brown eyes and a cascade of blonde locks takes on a quizzical look that sets his 5-year-old noggin to work.

“Because they’re bats!” Jack chirps as if to add an emphatic ‘Duh’ to the apparently adults-just-don’t-get-it question that had been posed to him.

“Every day is what we want to make it,” Jason adds. “Every day can be an adventure. Being able to be with Jack this way is the greatest, best decision we ever made.”

Getting a few hours of quiet time on Father’s Day isn’t that big of a deal to Jason. After all, he already gets most every Sunday morning “off” as it is. That’s when Julie and Jack have a routine of grocery shopping and other errands that allow the stay-at-home dad some down time to use as he chooses.

“I feel like I was born to do this,” Jason says. “I used to think that radio was a great place to be. Now I know that being a dad is the best and most rewarding job in the world.”

Read more about the world of Jason, Jack and Julie at OmahaDad.com

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Fathers and Daughters

July 22, 2013 by

Men hold incredible power over the future their daughters will experience. Sometimes, I have to wonder how many fathers realize that. And how many grieve for realizing it too late?

I’m not just talking about financial security or educational opportunities. The way a father treats his daughter molds her as a person, and especially how she sees herself as a woman. It’s a unique relationship, unlike that between mothers and sons, dads and sons, and mothers and daughters. How fathers choose to manage their relationships with their daughters has a lifelong impact that can be devastating if it doesn’t go well.

“A little girl first learns how to relate to men though her father,” says Pegg Siemek-Asche, statewide administrator for behavioral health at Lutheran Family Services of Nebraska. “If that goes badly, it sets a stage for difficulty as the young woman ages.” If a father never pays attention to his daughter, never spends time being playful, or never expresses his approval of her—her looks, her actions, her behavior—it can create a vacuum of positive self-esteem that the young woman will eventually seek to fill in other ways, most likely negative ones.

Through their actions (or inactions), a father teaches his daughter how she should expect to be treated by men, both good and bad. Young women blessed with warm, loving, and encouraging relationships with their fathers will seek the same in their partners.

Conversely, those who do not have that kind of support will struggle and likely seek to find that approval in unhealthy ways. Young women who report negative relationships with their father say they often have trouble dating, flirting, or even forming true romantic relationships. They simply never learned how. It’s not unusual for these girls to become promiscuous in their frustrating search for masculine approval.

This explains why so many smart women end up in unhealthy and even abusive relationships. It’s what they are used to and comfortable with. They instinctively choose partners who treat them as their father did—and believe they deserve no better. So what, specifically, can a father do to help his daughter towards a healthy adulthood?

“Girls need to hear they are attractive, capable, and smart—from their father,” says Siemek-Asche. “Girls are hyper-sensitive about their appearance and abilities, and they want Dad’s approval.” One misplaced or misspoken comment about her weight or looks can be heartbreaking, and a thoughtful dad will realize he should tread carefully. This sets the stage for positive self-image that will benefit her for a lifetime.

One-on-one time is very important. “You are teaching her how others, especially men, should talk with her, how she should expect to be treated,” says Siemek-Asche. This starts young but becomes even more important as she approaches pre-teen and teen years. Around age 10, especially, girls are incredibly vulnerable and insecure. “That’s when you start seeing a lot of the ‘mean girl syndrome,’ as girls start taking their insecurities out on each other. Dad can really make a difference by being supportive and engaged with his daughter.”

And finally, the relationship between mom and daughter can become very strained during the early and mid-teens, as the young woman seeks her own path away from her mother. It can be hard for both of them, but the father can be a tremendous help in creating a bridge between the two as they get through those trying years. Even if the parents are no longer together, it remains important for the father to treat his daughter’s mother with integrity and respect. Little girls pick up messages from that relationship as well.

And perhaps the most important message of all for dads? Be there for your daughter. Make the effort to be present at every age. She’ll notice. And finally, your daughter will never be too old for a hug and to hear that you love her. Tell her.

Erich Hover

October 25, 2012 by
Photography by Bill Sitzmann

Erich Hover still speaks of his father, Ed, in a tone of respect, describing him as a “big, strong, tall, handsome, six-foot-two guy” who liked to fish and hunt, play racquetball, and work in his garden.

“My dad was always strong for us…he always wanted to provide for us…he never wanted us to think that there was anything wrong with him,” Hover says.

But the younger Hover, an actor and producer, will be telling a different story about his father on the big screen. At 62, Ed Hover is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s disease only four years after his initial symptoms and diagnosis, typifying the early-onset form of the disease (his son prefers the term “younger-onset”) as being particularly aggressive and swift. Erich Hover is currently in pre-production for a feature film that will be based on his family’s experience.

“We want to shed some light on Alzheimer’s disease, and we also want to portray a family that’s sticking together through a very difficult situation. We want to tell an uplifting story…it’s important to me for it not to have to be a downer,” Hover says.

The Hover family at Erich's brother's wedding, 2011. Photo provided by Erich Hover.

The Hover family at Erich’s brother’s wedding, 2011. Photo provided by Erich Hover.

Hover, who graduated from Omaha Benson High School in 1998, launched his acting career eight years ago, appearing in local commercials for Horseshoe Casino, Regency Court, and the Iowa Lottery (he is still remembered for bursting out of a bucket, doused in black oil). In 2006, he left his full-time real estate position and relocated to Los Angeles. Among other films, he’s appeared in 2009’s For the Love of Amy (beloved Omaha actor John Beasley was a lead), and he also had a small role in 2011’s Moneyball, starring Brad Pitt.

The feature film will be his first project serving as a producer, and Hover credits his education over his acting experience with getting him there. He graduated from the University of Nebraska-Kearney in 2002 with a degree in organizational communication and a minor in marketing.

“Communications and marketing is kind of what this business is. A film never gets seen unless you find ways of marketing it,” he explains. “It absolutely helped me having that degree. It gave me the confidence that I can go out and produce something,
 create something.”

Hover, who already visits Omaha frequently to see family, says he made a deliberate choice to film in the area, with shooting likely to begin next spring, if not this fall. Local actors will be included in the cast, and he’s also partnering with some of the same Omahans “in the business” who helped him along in his acting career, including filmmaker Derek Baker, Manya Nogg of Actors Etc., and businessman/executive producer Jeff Burton. The three will share producing credits with him.

“We want to shed some light on Alzheimer’s disease, and we also want to portray a family that’s sticking together through a very difficult situation.”

“[Omaha’s] where I was born and raised, and it’s important to me to be able to bring a project back here. And it’s a personal story about me and my family, so I want to keep it as close to home as possible,” he says.

Hover is also excited to have others he’s grown to respect attached to his project. “Jay Giannone, who has acted in such movies as Gone Baby Gone, The Departed, the recently-released Safe, and the upcoming The Iceman, will act in the film, produce with me, and write the screenplay with Eric Watson based on my story,” he said. “Eric will write and direct the film. His credits include Pi (which won The Sundance Film Festival), Requiem for a Dream, and The Fountain.”

His movie, in which Hover plays the lead character, is close to home in other ways, too. The film is filled with personal references, from a 1950s pickup truck that refuses to start to dogs with the names of real Hover family pets.

“The people in the film are parallel to my family, and the major elements are actual real-life occurrences my family has gone through,” Hover says. “Even the dialog—the conversations between me and my father—are from things my dad and I have actually said to each other in real life.”

Ironically, Ed Hover watched his mother, now 93, struggle with Alzheimer’s before his own diagnosis. His son says he is acutely aware that the odds of being a third-generation sufferer are significant.

Hover with actor Philip Seymour Hoffman on the set of Moneyball. Photo provided by Erich Hover.

Hover with actor Philip Seymour Hoffman on the set of Moneyball. Photo provided by Erich Hover.

“I don’t want to live my life in fear, so I want to create something that can help find a cure,” he says. “I don’t have millions that I can donate to research, I’m not a doctor who can be in a lab finding a cure…I’m an actor and a producer, and if I can put something up on the screen that can reach a large audience, well, then, that can increase awareness and hopefully motivate people to take action with their time and their donations to research.”

His family, who is depicted in the movie, has been behind him from the beginning, Hover says.
“I really couldn’t have done this without my parents’ and brothers’ blessing. I mean, we’re talking about something that’s happening with our family, with our father,” Hover says. “My father’s in a place where I don’t know if he’s really exactly aware of what we’re doing, but he has always been supportive of my career…If my dad would have said ‘No, don’t do this movie about me,’ I would not have done it; I would have respected his wishes.

“The fact that he’s in this place where [Alzheimer’s disease] has been so aggressive and he’s so far along with it, I feel like I have to do this for him to honor him and to help other people, including my own family.”